Loving, healthy relationships in and of themselves have ups and downs. Some of those down times can lead to separations, break-ups, and divorce. When addiction is added to the mix, the decision to leave an addicted partner becomes even more difficult. Being in love with a person who is addicted to drugs or alcohol makes any decision to distance oneself even more challenging.
A “if they only didn’t use” mentality may prevail, and thoughts like “I’ll let it go one more time, then I’m leaving” are sure to set in. More frequently than not, these moments are usually precipitated by a late night out, or a sudden disappearance of the person, possibly for days at a time. Sadly, discovering that money may be missing adds to the frustration and anger, in contract with the concern for their well-being.
Knowing when to leave and separate oneself from what could be called an abusive relationship is a deeply personal thing, and only you can know for sure. When all attempts at helping a loved one addicted to alcohol or drugs is exhausted, and no forward progress is foreseeable, it may seem to be a simple choice, but it’s never easy. There are some questions you can ask yourself about the situation to gain some clarity:
- Has your loved one ever abused you or your children either physically or verbally?
- Have they used drugs or gotten drunk around you or your children?
- Have they ever stolen from you?
- Have they made it so your daily life revolves around them and their addiction?
If you have faced any, some, or all of those situations, it can be an indicator that it is time to detach. The main reason people stay with someone with addiction issues is the fear of the alternative, and they may be developing codependent tendencies. Realizing that the addiction is harming themselves as well as any children involved should help make it an easier decision as well. Know that you are not alone in this. Reach out to one of our professionals and we can help you take the next steps.